


La Douleur Exquise

by memorywolf



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Child Neglect, M/M, One-sided Incest, Parent/Child Incest, Psychological things going on, and also i've been planning this for 3 nights, i can promise theres angst in here, i hope you can feel as heartbroken as me, just not in chapter one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2018-04-06 10:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4218807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memorywolf/pseuds/memorywolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thranduil can't bear to look at his son after his wife's death and has been neglecting him ever since though he doesn't think it.<br/>Legolas holds on to the image he has of his father before his mother's death and he works desperately to get his father back.<br/>Bard comes into the picture and it changes things, Legolas feels like he's losing the battle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can’t have.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **prel·ude**   
>  an action or event serving as an introduction to something more important.

_Will not be free for dinner. Business meeting._ –T  
Is what the message says when Legolas picked up his phone. He wants to call his father and scream and complain because ‘I want to see you!’ legolas thinks. But he doesn’t. He sends a text back saying it’s okay because he wants to be a good son and not disrupt his father, he will be able to see him next week, he tells himself. 

_Legolas is six and he wonders why his father isn’t there when he wakes up and doesn’t give him a goodnight kiss before he goes to bed. He wonders why he doesn’t see his father anymore after his mother’s gone to heaven. He misses them both._

He texts Aragorn and asks if he’s free for the night, he wants to get drunk, he doesn’t want to remember the Sunday nights that he doesn’t spend with his father. Aragorn replies and tells him they can grab dinner then get drunk at the park together. 

_Legolas is ten and he’s had a nanny for four years now and he only gets to see his father on some Sunday nights where they have dinner together. His father doesn’t like looking at him, he keeps on averting his eyes and he drinks wine like it’s water. Legolas thinks his father doesn’t approve of him because he isn’t smart enough. He studies harder and from then on he stays the top of his class. His father doesn’t say anything._

He goes to his father’s room and naps on his bed because it smells of him, it makes him feel like his father is there beside him. If he can’t spend time with his father today then he could at least have his things near him. He goes to his father’s closet to pick out some clothes for later. 

_Legolas is fifteen and he doesn’t need a nanny anymore, he can take care of himself. He still doesn’t see his father much but in the morning when he wakes up he imagines Thranduil is there to say good morning and before he sleeps he imagines Thranduil kissing his forehead and tucking him in. He spends Sunday dinners with him._

He showers in Thranduil’s bathroom and uses his shampoo and body wash, he wants to smell like Thranduil. He left his golden hair long because it looks like Thranduil’s and his father commented on how nice it looked once. The shirt sleeve is a little long for him so he rolls them up, he wears his own pants because his father’s pants are too large and loose to be comfortable. He picks up one of Thranduil’s coat and leaves the house to meet Aragorn.

_Legolas is seventeen and he has his father’s pictures tacked up in his room instead of pictures of girls wearing skimpy clothes, he’d rather look at his father’s beautiful face. He doesn’t gossip about love with his friends, he’s thought about his father so much he can think of no one else. At night, when he’s curled up on the bed with one hand around his arousal and the other knuckles deep in himself, he thinks about Thranduil’s hands on him and his hard flesh inside him. When he’s finished he imagines his father kissing him and cuddling him while he sleeps._

He meets Aragorn in front of his house and they walk to a nearby restaurant that served wicked burgers. They chat on the way about what they want to do afterwards. Aragorn repeats his earlier suggestion of getting drunk in the park and Legolas agrees. Legolas has nothing better to do for the rest of the night and Arwen is away visiting grandparents so Aragorn has nowhere to be either. He wants to stay with his friend who’s been let down by his father one too many times. He has no illusions that Legolas loves his father any less than he used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's just a starting, to get things established and stuff. the angst will be on the next chapter. comments and/or kudos make my day :)


	2. Point Of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The position from which something or someone is observed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the first chapter was about legolas and this chapter we look at things from Thranduil's point of view.

_Will not be free for dinner. Business meeting. –T_  
Thranduil hits send. The message is sent. ‘Surely he would not miss me for one day.’ He thinks to himself. And it was not the first time he had done it, lying to his son to meet his lover. He always convinces himself that it’s alright, that Legolas won’t mind.

_His wife is dead. He would no longer see her smile and hear her laughter. He grieves and hugs his son close to him. Yes, he remembers, he still has a son, he still has someone to live for. That was what he told himself, but when the funeral was over and he was left alone with his son, he runs. He hires a nanny and leaves before his son wakes and returns after he falls asleep, he does not look at the smile that resembles his wife so much that it hurts. He promises himself that he will, but just not today._

Thranduil continues his work; signing documents, attending meetings, talking down to his workers. He’s the director of a company, much of his time is spent with paperwork and coffee. He works extra fast today because he has a promise to keep, he’s meeting with his lover and his children today for dinner. That was the real reason he had cancelled with Legolas. 

_He’s been spending some time with his son who’s ten. The nanny is still there to take care of him because Thranduil can’t, he has work and… other stuff. He sometimes takes Legolas out during Sunday to have dinner with him, maybe once or twice a month. When he does, he still can’t look his son in the face, his sweet smile still reminding him of the wife he had lost. He sees his son’s report card when he comes home one day, he notes the improvement in his grades, he buys him more toys and the newest mobile phone on the market. He says nothing._

Thranduil has been with Bard for a few months already, has already been to his house and met his kids. He knows the story of Bard’s wife and he has told Bard of his own wife, they had a night dedicated to remembering their wives. Bard asks about his son, Thranduil tells him all he knows; that Legolas is nineteen and is interested in business because every time they meet he asks Thranduil about how his work went and rarely talks about himself, and that he likes fish and wine like Thranduil does. Bard laughs and tells him that teenagers like more time to themselves rather than spending it with their old fathers. Thranduil laughs and agree.

_Legolas’ nanny retires when he’s fifteen, Thranduil doesn’t hire another one because his son says he can take care of himself. He leaves him more money and hires a driver because Legolas can’t drive yet to go to school and back, and maybe he would want to go out with his friends sometimes. He meets his son every Sunday to have dinner with him, he can look him in the face now._

Thranduil doesn’t go home to change because he told his son he had a meeting. He leaves his suit jacket and tie in his car and goes to dinner with Bard and his kids wearing his black dress shirt and silver slacks. He buys each of them a gift he knows they will like, Bard will complain that he’s spoiling them but Thranduil wouldn’t care, he likes making Bard’s children happy. Tilda is very delightful to be around, she still talks like a child and loves bedtime stories; Bain talks to him about books, the boy always smiles when he brings him new literature; Sigrid is nineteen in college and has a part time job to help support her family, Thranduil thinks she’s too mature for her age but he doesn’t tell her that, he helps her study for her law degree and silently replaces the old appliances in their house so it’s easier for her to do housework.

_He wonders what happened when he returned home one day and found Legolas’ room door open and his son not in sight. He knows that Legolas isn’t sleeping over at his friend’s house because his son will always text him about it when he does, he chalks it up to teenage wandering and sends his son a text to stay safe. He wakes up to a text from Legolas’ number but the message itself was written by his friend, Aragorn. He tells Thranduil that Legolas had slept over in his house after they had thrown him a birthday party. Thranduil then realises he forgot his son’s eighteenth birthday. He buys him a car as an apology._

Thranduil meets Bard and his kids at the restaurant that had delicious homemade burgers. The children all cheer and thank him for the gifts while Bard scolds him again for buying them things, he laughs and kisses Bard to quiet him. The younger children make disgusted noises and pulls their father inside the restaurant, Sigrid stays behind and holds him for a moment. She thanks him for taking care of them and making their father happy. He smiles and tells her he loves Bard very much and it’s his pleasure to take care of the people he loved. They enter and enjoy their family time, the kids laugh and that makes Bard and Thranduil laugh, Thranduil likes this family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, i did say angst would be in this chapter but i lied. not exactly lied but i decided i wanted to put in thranduil's side of the story, angst will be in the next chapter, i promise.


	3. Eavesdropping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eaves·drop  
> secretly listen to a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've never really written a story in present tense before, let's hope it doesn't mess up the story?

Legolas walks into the restaurant and he turns his head from Aragorn when he sees a familiar flash of gold. He stops at the doorway for a moment before he moves to the closest table to sit down, he wants to throw up. Aragorn followed him in and turns to see what he was staring at, his fists clench when he sees it. 

Legolas feels so much and so little at the same time, his heart clenches and his arms feel cold. He stares and blinks to make sure he’s seeing things right. His father is there, at another booth, with a man and three children. Aragorn moves to leave, Legolas pulls him back down to sit. 

He wants to move closer, to hear what they’re saying. He ties his hair up into a bun and pulls up his hood to cover his bright hair, then he pulls Aragorn to the booth behind the one his father is at, they face away from them. Aragorn gives him a disapproving look but doesn’t deny him this, he hopes Legolas will hate his father after this and then his world can stop revolving around his father. He orders for them both when the waiter comes. 

Legolas doesn’t care what Aragorn ordered for him, he leans his head back to catch their conversations. He hears Thranduil _laugh_ and he’s so jealous, his father never laughs like that around him. He takes out his phone with shaking hands and sends a text to his father. 

_What time will your meeting be over? I could cook dinner and wait for you. –L_  
Thranduil shifts his attention to his phone when it rings with a message. His eyebrows rise in surprise, Legolas has never offered to cook before. “What is it?” Bard, ever observant, asks him. 

“My son has offered to cook for me.” He replies with a tinge of guilt in his voice, Bard notices. “You still haven’t told him?” Thranduil looks apologetically at his lover and promises he will tell his son the next time they meet, Bard relents and sighs, Thranduil grins and kisses him on his cheek. Thranduil types his reply and quickly shifts his attention back to the little girl that was complaining at his lack of attention.

_Not soon. Maybe next week. –T_  
Legolas’ hand clenches hard around his phone. He heard their conversation and the unmistakable sound of a kiss, he jumps to conclusions and he’s very sure they are the right conclusions. His heart is beating loudly against his chest and he doesn’t notice he’s crying until Aragorn pulls him close and comforts him. 

Their food comes and the waitress gives them an odd look, Aragorn merely smiles at her and asks for the food to be packed to take away, he apologises for the trouble and asks for the bill. Legolas doesn’t protest to Aragorn’s decision, he never should have stayed in the first place. 

As they wait he hears more of their conversation, the enthusiastic way the little girl talks, the smooth voice of the man, the teenage girl’s chuckles, the boy’s eager words, and his father’s light hearted laughing. Each and every word and laughter is like a sharp stab to his chest and he feels like he can’t breathe. He can’t remember the last time he heard his father laugh.

“Ada, will you come to my play next Sunday?” He hears the little girl say.

“Of course I will, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Was Thranduil’s enthusiastic reply. 

Legolas makes a choked sound because Ada is what _he_ used to call his father, and his father has never attended any of _his_ plays. Aragorn grumbles in frustration at how slow the waitress was. 

“Are you sure? Don’t you have to meet you son next Sunday?” Bard asks Thranduil, hoping he hasn’t double booked himself.

“It’s alright, I’m sure he can find something to occupy himself with.” Legolas bites his lip at his father’s reply, he feels the hot tears continue down his cheeks and onto the back of his hands. Their food and bill comes then, Aragorn puts the wad of cash on the table and tells them to keep the change. Legolas stumbles when his friend pushes him out of the booth but Aragorn catches him before he can fall. 

Bard turns his head when the figure that appeared beside him looks about to fall, he almost stands to help but stops when hands reach out to hold the person up. “Are you alright?” he asks like the kind and concerned man he is.

Aragorn turns his head to look at the man that spoke, he glares at him then moves Legolas in front of him to push him out of the restaurant. They don’t turn back to look.

“That was odd.” Bard tells no one in particular. 

“Did you know them Da?” Sigrid asks, having seen the exchange. Bard shakes his head and replies in negative. 

“Shame they were so rude, they were so good looking too. Almost like the both of you, just younger.” Bard ends his conversation with Sigrid with a shrug, going back to listening to Tilda explain what her friends did on show and tell.

\----

“He doesn’t deserve a son like you.” Aragorn tells Legolas when they settle on a park bench with a bottle of beer in one hand and burger in the other. Legolas doesn’t reply, he eats his burger and takes a swig of his beer.

“Come be my adopted brother, my parents love you.” Aragorn says in between bites of his burger. Legolas hums in reply. 

“Move out, go further for uni, anything. Just stop waiting for him Legolas.” Aragorn pleads now, tired of seeing his friend crumble after every rejection from his father because he will undoubtedly be there for Legolas every time it happens. 

Legolas doesn’t reply. Aragorn is done. He can’t watch this self-destruction any longer. But, neither can he leave his friend because he knows what that will do to him, he knows how it will kill him. 

He puts down his burger and beer and turns Legolas to look him in the eye and he _pleads_. Legolas averts his eyes to the ground, he bites his lips. Aragorn wants to scream. 

Some moments later Legolas shifts his eyes back onto Aragorn’s, “Maybe,” he mumbles under his breath, “Maybe.” He says again, firmer this time. 

Aragorn thanks his friend, he doesn’t thank the gods because they were never there to answer Legolas’ prayers when he was young. He’s glad now, and he’s glad he let his friend stay earlier. It may have hurt him beyond repair but it also finally put a stop to his madness. He will help his friend return to being a normal person. 

“That’s good, that’s very good Legolas.” He leans his forehead against his friend’s and closes his eyes for a moment. Legolas mimics his friend and he thanks his friend for always being there for him and tells him he loves him. Aragorn responds in kind.

“Do you need me to call Glorfindel?” Aragorn asks when they’ve finished their burger and beers and it’s late into the night already. “Or do you want to sleepover in my house?” 

Legolas shakes his head, he tells Aragorn that Glorfindel has gone overseas. Aragorn nods and they finish their food in silence. Aragorn doesn’t let his friend get drunk because he wants Legolas to remember what he had seen and heard today, he wants it to be an encouragement for his friend’s effort to overcome his unhealthy obsession of his father. 

Legolas sleepovers in his friend’s house, he doesn’t text his father, Thranduil probably won’t even notice he’s gone. He cries himself to sleep with Aragorn wrapped around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to all of your kudos and reviews! I really cherish them and they always make my day! :)   
> Also, i've introduced glorfindel, what part do you think he plays in legolas' life ;)   
> please leave kudos and/or reviews if you have the time, it would encourage me to continue :)


	4. Sincere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> free from pretense or deceit; proceeding from genuine feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea what to name my chapters anymore. Also, even though i can't figure out how to bridge some things in the next chapter, i decided you guys have waited long enough and i couldn't put off posting this chapter anymore, i'll figure something out for the next chap.

Thranduil had slept at Bard’s and borrowed his clothes. He owns the company so he’s allowed to go into work whenever he wants to, he decides to go home to shower and change. He knows the house will be empty but he didn’t expect Legolas to walk in right as he walks out of his room. 

“Why are you not in school?” Thranduil asks. Legolas is too tired and his eyes are too sore, he doesn’t worry what his father will think of him skipping a day of college, he doesn’t think his father would care in the first place anyways. “I wasn’t feeling well.” He lies anyway. 

Thranduil moves forward and touches his hand to his son’s forehead, “It’s not a fever, will you be alright on your own?” 

Legolas jumps at the hand on his forehead and he’s frozen in shock. Did he hear him right? Did his father just ask him if he would be alright on his own? Had he heard right the care and worry laced into his father’s words? Legolas stutters when he replies that he’s alright.

“Have you just returned from the doctors?” Thranduil asks as he moves to the kitchen to prepare some coffee for himself. Legolas trails behind his father, smelling the familiar scent of peach shampoo. 

Legolas wonders if the dull thud against his chest is pain, his father hadn’t come home last night, he had spent the night at _that man’s_ house. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t lie but he tells his father he had spent the night at Aragorn’s. 

“I should meet Aragorn, should I not? You have known him for a long time.” Is Thranduil’s nonchalant reply, he doesn’t know how much that shocks Legolas. 

Legolas doesn’t understand what’s going on. His father is asking after his wellbeing. His father is asking if he had went to the doctors. His father is asking about meeting his friend. His _father_ is asking about _him_. 

In all the times Legolas has met with his father during their scheduled meetings Legolas had always made best use of the time to get to know his father; find out what he was doing on a daily basis, get to know his habits, his likes and dislikes, helping himself fill in the blanks for when he goes home and imagines a Thranduil who will be there when he wakes up and will tell him stories and cuddle him to sleep. In all those times they had scarcely talked about Legolas, and when they do it is usually about his school and Aragorn and what he wanted to do in the future. 

“If you want to.” Is what he answers his father. He’s already confused enough as it is. 

Thranduil smiles when he sees the frozen look on Legolas’ face, he wonders if his son has a deeper relationship than friendship with this Aragorn. He had always been curious of Legolas’ friend, it was the only one that his son mentions after all. Every time they meet, Legolas would be so enthusiastic in talking about his business and the things he had encountered in his week. When he does manage to ask his son about his week, Legolas merely shrugs and gives a sentence or two, then he would continue in asking Thranduil questions. 

He wonders if maybe that was why Legolas had always been brief about himself, was he afraid Thranduil would reject him if he liked the same gender? He reminds himself to ask his son about his love life the next time they had dinner. Then, remembering the conversation he had with Bard yesterday, he also reminds himself to tell his son about his new relationship. 

“Would you prefer red snappers, grouper, or threadfin? Or would you rather Mahseer? I haven’t learnt how to cook that but I could pick it up from the restaurant down the street. As for the wine, I suppose anything you fancy that day should work.” Legolas says as he remembered his father’s promise of home cooked dinner this Sunday. He was excited, ever since he found out Thranduil liked fish, he had taken culinary lessons specially to learn how to cook them, imagining being able to cook for his father one day and it seemed this Sunday was the day. 

“Ah, Legolas, I’m sorry, I have a dinner with a friend this Sunday.” 

Or not. Legolas averts his eyes from his father, he’s disappointed again. The disappointment soon turns to anger as he remembers the overheard conversation from yesterday, his father couldn’t have dinner with him because he had to attend _that girl’s_ play apparently.

“Could I come with? I haven’t met any of your friends before, I’ll bring Aragorn along, since you wanted to meet him.” He turns his gaze back onto his father. He’s angry and he doesn’t want to be lied to anymore. If his father says no then he will do what he semi-promised to Aragorn the night before, he would know where he stood in his father’s heart.

Thranduil hesitates. He weighs the pros and cons of introducing Legolas to Bard and his family, then he takes into account the presence of Aragorn. He agrees to let his son meet with Bard this Sunday, if it proves to be too much, Thranduil is sure Aragorn would be able to help. 

Legolas lets out a breath he’s been holding in. To be very honest with himself, he knew he hoped and prayed to any gods that would listen that his father would agree because he didn’t want to make good on his semi-promise to Aragorn, he wanted to stay close by his father and work his hardest to get his attention, he didn’t want to leave.

Thranduil tells him they will meet at a family restaurant and asks if he’s okay with that, Legolas replies with a positive. Every dinner they had had up till then had been done in a high class restaurant, Legolas had always assumed it was because Thranduil didn’t like to eat like a commoner, it seemed to Legolas that he didn’t know his father as well as he thought he did. It was a sad thought for Legolas. 

Before Thranduil leaves, he tells Legolas to call him if he gets worse. Legolas dumbly nods and watches as his father leave the house. He’s left in a sort of daze because his father has never been there all those times in the past when he had fallen ill, it had been either Glorfindel or Aragorn who tended to him when he was delirious with sickness. 

He’s tempted to make himself fall ill so he can call his father. He doesn’t. But only because he hasn’t met this situation before and his father might send his assistants to take care of Legolas instead of coming home himself. He doesn’t have all the variables in the equation.

When Thranduil is driving to work, his mind wanders and he thinks his son is wearing his shirt and coat. He shrugs and chalks it up to a blunder when his son is doing the laundry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk, something doesn't feel right about this chapter, i cant figure it out, wtvr. *sighs out my entire being*   
> thank you for all your comments and i probably would have been so tired of this story if i hadn't gotten those comments from you guys, so thanks (✿ฺ◕ฺ‿◕ฺ）  
> next chapter might take a while, trying to fit someone into the story and i feel like my brain is fried with how hard it is ( ･⊝･∞)


	5. Mutual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (of a feeling or action) experienced or done by each of two or more parties toward the other or others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well theres no way i can make this chapter any smoother than it already is so have this super shitty and choppy chapter, i swear not all of my writing are like this (are they?) it's just sometimes words don't come to me and they dont cooperate :/  
> i've been busy with elrondir week so i didn't get to work on this fic, but now that thats done, i can get back to this.  
> here we introduce glorfindel.

Legolas is in Glorfindel’s house waiting for the older man’s return. They had of course talked on the phone everyday but it was not the same as meeting and touching, Legolas was loathed to be separated from him. 

They are not lovers. Glorfindel doesn’t love Legolas in the romantic sense, neither does Legolas love him that way. Legolas gets the touch he doesn’t receive from his father from Glorfindel, Glorfindel just likes to help a friend out. They have a mutually beneficial relationship, they care for the other very much and there are no such things as secrets between them, their friends had explained their relationship as ‘mutually dependant and more solid than an old married couple’.

Legolas smiles as he hears the keys and the door opens. 

Glorfindel had expected to come home to an empty house and not a beautiful teenager with a smile that lit up his dark room. 

“Welcome home.” Legolas moves from his perch on the couch and manoeuvres around Glorfindel’s luggage to hug him. 

“You are a sight for sore eyes my sweet peach.” The taller man lands a sound kiss on Legolas’ lips in greeting. Legolas smiles at the man’s as per usual affectionate greeting.

That was one part that Legolas liked about Glorfindel, he was a constant in his life, his presence did not fluctuate and his feelings did not change, they made themselves very clear on that. And also Legolas liked having someone to play house with. 

They chat about how Glorfindel’s trip went while unpacking his stuff, the golden haired man whips out more than one present for his friend. Legolas has all he ever wanted, at least, all bar one, but that was something he didn’t want to dwell on at the moment. He liked getting presents when the person giving them was actually present, and actually put a thought into what they were giving him, which was exactly how Glorfindel gives his presents. 

In the absence of his father, Legolas has found in Glorfindel a great friend and caretaker, when he will. Their meeting had been accidental a few years back, the man had flirted charmingly, trying to get Legolas into his bed, only to back off and apologise when he found out the boy was underage. 

That quality was very rare in the people of now, therefore Legolas befriended him and since then on they were inseparable. The more sexual side to their relationship started on a sad birthday boy’s fumbling attempts to kiss the man, only for Glorfindel to haul him into his bed and tuck him to sleep. 

An understanding was made the next night, and every night after that where they decided to share the bed. Legolas understood that Glorfindel would never fall in love, and Glorfindel understood that Legolas loved his father so much that there was no room for anyone else. Unshakable friendship was what their bond was, and it was exactly how they wanted it to be. 

When they had finished unpacking, Legolas released his friend to take a bath while he made some lunch for the both of them. Legolas tells Glorfindel of the dinner and the lies over lunch, stabbing his chicken a little too harshly, grinding on and on about the wicked little girl who stole his father from him.

Glorfindel stops his stabbing by taking away his fork and feeding him himself, humming along good-naturedly as he continues to complain. When he finishes his rant Glorfindel puts down the fork and smacks him upside the head. “What are you going on and on about? Whose fault do you think it is that you hide in your room alone crying every milestone in your childhood?” 

Legolas opens his mouth to defend his father only for Glorfindel to slap a hand over his mouth, “And don’t you dare tell me he’s ‘busy’,” Glorfindel makes finger quotes around the word and rolls his eyes, “If he loved you he would have made time for you, not pass you off to someone else like some old broken toy.” He finishes staring straight into Legolas’ eyes, daring him to tell him he was wrong.

Legolas’ eyes prickled with tears. Glorfindel sighs and takes their plates to the sink to wash, allowing Legolas some time to deal with the truth. It was always like this, Legolas would grumble, Glorfindel would wake him up, Legolas would let his words stew while Glorfindel did something to pass the time, then Glorfindel would cuddle Legolas while the teen cried and mumbled about why he was so unlovable to his father. 

The golden haired man picked up the trembling teen and brought him to his bed, sitting against the headboard and pulling Legolas’ back to his chest, he wraps his arms around the smaller body and runs his fingers through the pale golden strands of legolas’ hair. 

“He doesn’t know how good you are.” Glorfindel says as he tucks the teen’s head under his chin. “I want you, Aragorn wants you, there are so many people who love you. You don’t need a father like that, why beg for something he will not give?” He whispers to the quiet teen, soothing his other hand down his back.

His eyes then harden in anger, “You should never have to beg at all.” He shifts Legolas’ hair to one side and lay butterfly kisses on the pale expanse of his neck, “You surely don’t have to beg me.” He says between kisses.

Glorfindel smiles when he feels the body in his arms relax, “Yes, that’s it, give in to me, I’ll take good care of you, my dear.” Legolas raises his eyes to meet Glorfindel’s blue ones, he mutters a thanks and lifts his head to kiss his friend gently. 

He, of course, knows all that Glorfindel tells him, they’ve had that conversation plenty enough. But the heart wants what it wants, may it be illegal or absolutely disgusting to everyone else, it was precious to him. And he also knew his friend understood that, and his strong disapproval of his love was only because his father was hurting him so much. 

Legolas knows, that his love was unhealthy and unnatural and many times he condemned himself to hell for it. But none of that could get rid of this parasite that eats at his heart and mind everyday, he wished it would disappear, for his sick desire to be burned and scattered into the wind, let it fade to nothingness. 

His wishes were not granted and everyday he lived with the heart wrenching, mind strangling, breath-taking pain of unrequited love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahaha again next chapter might be slow because i am rubbish, but i'll try to be fast??? (i suggest you not to trust me on this i tend to be easily distracted)  
> again, sorry for the choppy chapter (m;_ _)m  
> I do want to ask you all something, do you want this to end with thrandolas or just father and son stuff? i cant decide which way to go, would appreciate some suggestions :>


	6. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so i'm back, 3 years later, with an update. i'll leave what i have to say at the end notes. But just as a refresher, the prev chapter thran was going to blow legolas off again to go to tilda's play and go for dinner with them, he lied to legolas saying he was going to meet friends, and legolas says he wants to join and he'd bring aragorn with him. Thran agrees bc he thinks legolas might want to introduce aragorn to him and that they might be more than friends, and also he wants legolas to meet bard.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Aragorn asks as they pull up outside the restaurant, Legolas nods. It was now or never. He would meet this man and his family and do some evaluation, then he would decide if he could win back his father or not, if it would be _possible_. 

Of course, the ever present question of ‘what was the point?’ was always at the back of his mind. Because truly, what was the point of trying anymore when his father so clearly keeps his distance, even go so far as to hide a relationship from him. He wouldn’t condemn his father for having a new lover, his mother had died long ago, things change, he understood. 

He suppose he’s too old to want his father’s attention anymore, the time for nightly cuddles and sweet mornings have long passed and if he wanted those he could get them from Glorfindel now, so there was really no point. 

But then he would remember that day, when his father had put a hand to his forehead and told him to call him if he were sick, it gives him renewed hope that maybe he cared. But did he? When he so easily put him aside for the little girl who had called him ‘ada’ –legolas still hasn’t gotten over that yet- and what more, for something he had never done for legolas when he was small. It was hard for legolas to believe so.

Legolas’ face is cool and unshakable when he meets the Bowmans, he figures he would crumble later but for now he would stand tall in the face of an opponent. Aragorn smiles tightly, and the only reason he doesn’t throw in a punch with the handshake he gives Legolas’ father is because he promised Legolas he wouldn’t. 

Bard is puzzled when he sees Aragorn, he’s quite sure he was the one who had glared at him last Sunday. “Have I seen you before?” he asks, his daughter agrees that she’s seen him before. 

“I don’t think so. I surely don’t remember if we ever did.” Is the reply Bard gets, and he’s still confused, but he doesn’t ask of it further. Instead, he gets a good look at Legolas, who is so much like his father. His hair is as pale and long, eyes as blue and body as lithe and graceful as his father’s, he feels like he exists in a different world from theirs. 

He tries his best not to think that way because Thranduil has told him not to on many occasions when he needed help and money was tight, or when Thranduil brings him out to dinner at a fancy posh restaurant, and also when he met some of Thranduil’s other friends, he definitely felt the difference in class then. 

When he looks at Aragorn though he feels better because the teenager looks as rugged as he did, and less like the clean brightness of the blonde father and son. He then suddenly feels very odd because Thranduil had told him about his son’s friend, and also about how he thinks they’re more than friends. It would surely be a coincidence, the pair of them looks like a younger version of him and Thranduil, he supposes it may merely be because Legolas has the same tastes as his father, he seems to like a lot of things his father likes, as far as he knew. 

They sit down and order their food, chatting a bit stiffly, in Bard’s point of view, he gets a feeling that Legolas doesn’t like them much. He suppose he could understand, he was afraid of his children not liking Thranduil too, but they turned out fine, he wonders what Thranduil will do about Legolas’ case. 

Thranduil wonders what’s wrong with Legolas, he isn’t his usual enthusiastic self, if anything he looks solemn. Maybe he’s nervous about introducing Aragorn, but Thranduil has shown no dislike to the rugged teen, he had been nothing but courteous to the young man. And then he thinks maybe it’s time to talk to his son about he and Bard’s relationship, maybe it will ease his mind. 

He listens as his son talks to his lover in clipped tones and smiles that don’t reach his eyes, he’s seen enough to recognise hostility. He had hopes that they would get along, he loves both of them, he wouldn’t want either of them to be unhappy. He adds into their conversation, hoping to smooth the way, but it doesn’t seem to work. 

Legolas doesn’t see what’s so good about this man, he’s unkempt, ungraceful, his kids are making a mess of their food, he’s even feeding them! For Valar’s sake how unreliable is this man that his kids can’t even eat by themselves? How could his father possibly lo- have feelings for this-this- _disgrace_ of a man? 

He took a few deep breaths and a few bites of his food, he knew he was being biased in his judgement, after all one of his best friend –currently sat beside him- was as unkempt and ungraceful but he still loved him anyways. But so what? These were his feelings, he could do whatever he wanted with them! 

Aragorn feels the thick atmosphere around them like a heavy blanket on a hot day, he doesn’t care to diffuse it because he doesn’t want Legolas to like this man and further blame himself for being ‘unlovable’, a man or two could be sacrificed for the sake of his friend’s self-esteem. He wants Legolas to hate him and by extension slowly hate his father too. 

Anyone else might think he was cruel for thinking so, but he’s tried to be nice about Legolas and his father’s relationship and look how that turned out. Thranduil had been the same as he always was and Legolas had fallen deeper into his pit of despair, he wanted to sigh out his entire being just thinking about it. And so if helping Legolas to try and reconcile with his father didn’t work, he would help Legolas forget him instead. 

He hears Legolas try to calm himself and his fingers are white from gripping his drink too hard, Aragorn decides it’s time to give him a breather before he has a brain aneurysm. He excuses the both of them to head to the bathroom. 

Insults at Bard fly out of Legolas’ mouth the second the bathroom door is closed, Aragorn calmly listens to them and nods along, knowing his friend needed this release. 

“And worst of all, do you see the way he feeds his children? They’re not little babies anymore, they can feed themselves! What kind of incompetent man allows his children to make such messes of themselves, and he even cleans them up for them! Do they not have arms and legs?” Legolas gestures wildly everywhere while he rants, Aragorn tries to make sure he doesn’t injure himself. 

For Aragorn, the things Legolas is ranting about were purely little things here and there that had unfortunately managed to catch Legolas’ eyes and were avidly being talked about. As for the last thing he said, Aragorn sighed, it was a serious problem probably stemming back to Legolas lonely childhood. 

He didn’t tell Legolas though, he didn’t tell him that it was normal for parents to care for their children that way, messes were what children made and coddling was what parents did. And of course he knew why Legolas was ranting about such inconsequential things, why it bothered him so much that a parent was just doing his job and taking care of his kids. 

It was because Legolas was jealous. 

He was jealous that his messes weren’t cleaned up by his father, jealous that his father never tolerated disobedience, that he couldn’t play with his food and have his father play along with him. 

And he was also angry, angry that his father had abandoned him to a nanny at such a young age, that he was forced to learn to take care of himself faster than others, that he had not a happy childhood that he was seeing Bard give his children while his own father sits beside and smiles as if he approves of all the things he had never done for his own child. 

Legolas had so much emotion inside him he did not know what to do but to hate and rant. But alas the hate was not directed at the person it was supposed to be at, instead he had pulled in an innocent man who loved his children and openly showed that affection, he had directed all his rage and jealousy at this great example of a father, simply because his father was not one. 

All Aragorn would do was pat him on the back and comfort him, he would let that anger stew and hopefully finally be angled at Thranduil sooner or later. “Do you want to leave?” Aragorn asked, just in case his friend really couldn’t take it anymore.

Legolas shook his head, “I won’t let that man win.” He says with venom in his voice. Aragorn sighs, he had a long way to go to achieve his intended goal, for now he calmed his friend enough to continue their dinner. 

Legolas knows that he’s contradicting himself, making things between him and Bard a competition when earlier on he told himself he would be okay with his father having a new lover. And truthfully Legolas thinks it’s partly true, the only thing out of this whole disaster that irks him was the way Bard treats his children. He hated that he and those bardlings were on the same boat, both without mothers and only a father to look after them, but yet, they were loved more, cared for more, had more attention from their father than he ever had with his own. And now they even had attention from _his_ father when he himself has nothing but scraps that Thranduil might deign to throw out to him. He’s devastated and angry and the only way he could think of right now to set things right were to separate his father and Bard, so he no longer had to look at the way his own father looks at his lover’s children and cares for them more than he ever has his own. 

When Legolas and his friend returns, Thranduil notices that his son looks less wound up but still tense, and his friend has a comforting hand behind Legolas’ back. Maybe this was too soon, maybe Legolas wasn’t ready to accept a new family. He would need to sit down and have a talk with Legolas about this soon. 

Legolas makes it through the dinner with gritted teeth and false smiles that hurt his cheeks. Bard’s children are too chummy to Thranduil, even Legolas isn’t that close to his father and Thranduil is _his_ father, it wasn’t fair. He does rejoice in the uncomfortable look on Bard’s face throughout the dinner, the only small reprise he gets from having the precious time with his father hogged by some outsiders.

When Thranduil bids his farewell to Legolas and Aragorn, Legolas pauses and asks, “You’re not coming home?” Legolas had come with Aragorn in the latter’s car, he was expecting to follow in his father’s car back home.

Bard and Thranduil were the only ones left standing with Legolas and Aragorn, Sigrid had taken Bard’s car and was already backing out of the parking and leaving with her siblings. It was obvious to Aragorn that Bard and Thranduil were off to spend time together, and he knew it was quite obvious to his friend too. 

Bard looked at Legolas and for a moment he saw such intense longing in the boy’s eyes that he was taken aback, Legolas’ gaze was directed at Thranduil and he looked as if he was begging his father to come home with him. Bard was taken aback and frozen on the spot, his brain wasn’t processing things fast enough. Aragorn sighs and not so subtly rolls his eyes, which hadn’t gone unnoticed by Bard who isn’t coming to a revelation but he’s collecting the pieces which he will examine when he goes home and has time for his brain to slowly understand. 

Aragorn is just waiting for Thranduil to make some stupid excuse up and leave, then Legolas will come home with him with sad disappointing eyes, which will turn into anger the moment he closes his room door and Legolas will explode into rants. Aragorn will then comfort him and reassures him that he’s loved, that he is enough, and adds on that one day he will find himself in a healthy environment, no longer wishing for the father that neglects him as if he were an outdated toy, and he will have all the love he ever deserved and more. It was pretty much routine for Aragorn now. 

“Sorry Legolas, I was thinking of spending some more time with Bard. You go on home with Aragorn, I’m sure you’d want to spend more time with him too.” Thranduil smiles at the two of them, trying his best to convey to his son that he was absolutely fine to the idea of them being together. He doesn’t see the look in Legolas’ eyes that Bard does, nor does he hear Aragorn’s sigh that Bard does. 

Legolas nods stiffly and bids his father farewell, watching as his father turns to leave. His eyes meets Bard’s, and for a moment he thought he sees something flicker through them, something he couldn’t decipher, but then he remembers he hates the man and he glares back. Bard merely smiles politely to them and bids them goodnight. 

Aragorn brings Legolas back to his house and they bring out the alcohol and snacks, he settles himself down for a night of ranting, and this time, he’s ready to poke holes whenever Legolas wants to defend his own father because honestly, enough was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been so long, 3 years is a long time now that i think of it, i've been so busy, a lot of things has changed in my life. I'm now in uni doing my second year of psych, i was pretty busy that's why i never got back into writing, i just wanted to rest during holidays lol.  
> but honestly i love updating this story, bc it brings me back to less complicated times and it makes me so happy to finally have the motivation to write back again. I haven't written the next chapter yet, but I will do it now bc it's the holidays, i really want to get back into writing after my 3 year hiatus. god that's so long isnt it? time just flies by when life just wants to wreck u.  
> I hope you all are still interested in seeing this story continued, bc this is my most read and liked story tbh so if you’d like to see it continued pls comment so i know someone is still reading this, but if not i probably wont continue this bc i dont want to spend my time on something that no one is reading. I’ll also be continuing the rest of my works so if you like it, look forward to it! ^^

**Author's Note:**

> comments and/or kudos make my day :)  
> my tumblr: http://petalsofelrondir.tumblr.com/


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